My Blog

Surviving Hurt, Pain and Suffering
  by: Tammy Clancy, Source Unknown

We are all survivors in one way or another in this life. Each of us have suffered, been in pain or been hurt in one way or another. Each one of us have our own precious story to share.

One may suffer more than another, one may hurt more than another, one may have more pain than another. No matter how much pain, how much suffering, how much hurt, there will always be someone else out there that has suffered more, been in greater pain or is or has been hurting more than you.

We are not the only ones. Once we know that, things start to feel better, things start to change. That’s why I share my grief to help others and to help myself.

I used to cry everyday and think my life was the worst one of the lot. It was all about me. I never once thought that, hey, there are people out there facing problems that were bigger and way worse than my own.

My problems had passed but the pain and suffering remained; it still remains today. Some people live with or experience the pain hurt and suffering everyday. It’s a matter of how we deal with this pain, hurt, & suffering now or when it has passed.

It’s how we think about it; it’s a matter of the mind, it’s a matter of having the strength to keep battling on, to survive no matter what. Each experience makes us wiser, even though it took a sacrifice to get there.

I have lost a lot of loved ones. I have no female aunties alive: one died from a heart attack, one died from a brain tumor. My mother was killed in a truck accident instantly, along with my sister. I have no grandmother, she had a heart attack; no grandfather, he drank himself silly and fell back one night hit his head and bled to death by his bed; no father, he doesn’t know I exist and I don’t know his name and never will, just to name a few.

Recently I lost a cousin in-law. We were in the same year at school, we all grew up together in a small country town, and his wife is my blood cousin. She rang me and told me. She is the same cousin who rang me at the age of 11 to tell me my mother and sister had been killed in a truck accident. She had to ring me because the adults were too drunk to.

Now, when I think about it, my reaction was the same. I said, "What? What? Are you sure? It can’t be true!"

It was true, I knew it was true; I just didn’t want to believe it.

My first reaction to her was fear for her life. How would she survive alone without him, as she had never spent one day alone in her life? Although she sounded like nothing had happened, I said, "I can’t believe how strong you are being after this has happened." With a nervous voice she said she had to be there for her children, their two boys.

She had never been strong in her life. She once said to me, "I’m jealous of you." When I asked why, she said, "Because of how strong you are." This was coming from a woman who had everything she had ever wanted and dreamed for.

Grief can change us in a lot of ways. If we let it drag us down, if we dwell on it for too long, we will not survive. Not only will you become like me, but also your life will pass you by and you will not know where or why it went so fast.

If we listen to other people and really hear their experiences and try to take in what help is out their such as counseling, reading grief books or reading stories from sites like this, we will just survive long enough to become a little bit stronger. Strength comes from within and soon that little bit of strength will become a power greater than you have ever known.

Once we realize that others have had to face the same problems and they have come through it, they have survived, we can start to believe that, "Hey, maybe I can make it through another day, maybe I can survive, maybe if reach out my hand to others I can lean on them and I won’t fall down like the rest." We can actually start to believe in ourselves, we can try to smile again and maybe even laugh.

One person said to me, a few days ago, "If you smile, the world smiles back at you, but on the other hand if you cry, you cry alone." It’s very true. I can only try to be strong and smile too. I don’t know, but that’s another challenge for me.

I hope each one of the people who read these stories and are suffering great pain, severe hurt, or are just suffering, I hope they take the right steps to help themselves to recovery. Even if it isn’t your fault, you have to recover. It only takes one small step, just small steps, slowly one at a time, and you will never notice the steps you take.

We are greater than our circumstances. Progress is not brought about by force but by taking small steps towards positive change. I received this advice from a woman who was a reformed alcoholic, reformed because of grief - the loss of her youngest son.

Join together and we will only get stronger.

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Opss guess i neva been a good girl who kept my promise….haha

Posted blog titled last blog is just sth that’s on my mind that day, cos I really hav to stop bloggin evryday LOL due to this projects I had in mind…I keep on delayin making things become possible cos of frenster… yupee surfin n tryin to find good articles to post are really wasting lots of my time… =( anyway here i am again, back to write, eating my own spoken words =) but hey I hav to admit I neva been good with what I promise LOL

Just read blog posted by Rosie n that givs me the spark to write again.. It is quite unbelievable that one person can do such things =( Rose, the Korean herald said that the parents tryin to commit suicide, but another news confirmed that the parents is just hospitalized from the shock happened, due to Cho’s rampage at Virginia Tech University.

I posted the above article as a reminder that there are so many people that is less fortunate than us, in every part and every corner in the world… DONT BE MISHEARTENED with the unfortunate things that happens to us, but open up your heart to see others sufferings and feels it… Since you have experience it, might as well help  others to get thru the painful feelings of lost, of that insecurity, of the anger and hatred within…

Each one of us needs help, we need each other, that’s why we can survive till now, cos no one can stand on their own…. we grew stronger as a community…togetherness can create the impossible become possible… therefore greatness is within you to feel the joy and peace of being able to make a difference in making another person life’s better ……. Of cos, you cant help everyone, all you can do is limited to those people who wants your help … +)

With love, Mel

Friend And Acquaintance
  by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around. It’s a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don’t share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don’t understand because you don’t know enough about them. On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless. Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn’t need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen. Friends are the people who won’t laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it. Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don’t think about how long to hug and who’s going to be the first one to let go. Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud. They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them. They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them.

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A Good Frend is hard to find and fortunately I am blessed wif many wonderful frens around…. Thank you for being part of my life, to show me the beauty of the world and to help me stand up tall when sufferings engulfed my whole being….

I have lost someone who I thought is a frend … That’s becos I believe it is for the best, since frendship is wot that person cant offer…. I believe frenship is all about understanding and love, but unfortunately that person lack in those  most important quality.

I hav anger - yeesss heaps of them but I still wish you well… If you choose to stay away from the crowd n stand far away in your little corner, then so be it…  I made the wrong decision to enter your territory thinkin ud change n be one of the crowd…..

Farewell, Mel

The Bracelet
  by: Lisa I, Source Unknown

Putting her hand in front of her face, the little girl of 5 looked at her shiny new bracelet given to her by her Mama. Reaching up and touching it gently at first, then looping her finger from her other hand, through it, pulled, twisted, and stretched it, checking to make sure it was strong enough. Yep, it was, she thought.

Peeking over her right shoulder at the big hospital bed next to her was another little girl of about the same age. She watched her glancing shyly over at her new bracelet.

Their eyes met.

"That’s pretty" whispered the girl, pointing to the bracelet.

She has the biggest brown eyes and pretty brown skin thought the little girl with the bracelet,

"thank you, my mama gave it to me to remember her while I am here"

She whispered back, as she held her arm up proudly to show her new friend, being quiet so as not to wake any of the others on the ward.

The girl had noticed all of the other kids and babies when she arrived earlier in the day, walking through the isles of beds and cribs that lined the pea green cinder block walls, clinging to her mothers hand tightly. She asked her Mama why all the other children and babies were there, as they were walking the girl to what was going to be her bed for a lot longer than either of them knew.

Kneeling next to her, to explain once again

"honey, you and all of these children are very sick, and all of you need to live here with the Doctors and Nurses for awhile, until you are better. Mama will come on Saturdays to visit you, and you can wave to your brother and sisters from that window there." She pointed to a big window with a Jolly Santa on it.

"Look. Right there by Santa!" The little girl didn’t want to look at the Santa window

She started to cry again

"Mama, please don’t make me stay here, pleeeese" sobbed the child, her eyes puffy and sore from crying.

"Honey, we have talked about this a hundred times."

"Now, when you get sad or lonely, what are you supposed to do?"

Wiping her nose with her sleeve followed by a big sniffle

"touch my new bracelet, you got for me" she mumbled into her arm.

"That’s right" replied her mother.

Standing, to lead her tiny daughter to her new bed, located at the Children’s Hospital, on the floor for those quarantined with Tuberculosis.

Holding back a well of emotions herself that were getting ready to spill at any minute,

"get into bed sweetie, its naptime and the other children are all sleeping," giving her a last tuck,

"I have to leave you now."

With a kiss and a long hug, she whispered in her daughters ear,

"I love you baby." Swiftly turned and left.

Returning her attention back to the girl next to her

"ya wanna hold it?" She asked referring to the bracelet.

"UH-HUH" said the girl with the big brown eyes, nodding.

Reaching through the bed slats, both girls had to stretch as far as their arms could reach, shoulders and heads jammed against the wooden slats of railings on their beds, two small hands meeting in the middle for the pass off.

Lighting up her new friends face the minute her fingers touched the bracelet. Carefully, bringing the prize back to her bed, through the slats, being ever so careful not to drop it, holding it to her face inspecting each and every sparkly diamond on it, the girl then rubbed it against her cheek, before handing it back to it’s owner she hugged the bracelet close to her chest, closed her eyes and sighed.

"I wish I had a Mama" she whispered.

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Family….

The most preciousss of all … Today I went shopping wif my parents n sista… we havnt been goin out much, especially wif my mom n dad…. I love them, each one of them.. I am a very lucky person, blessed wif this wonderful family… The sacrifice that both my parents has done for us, the love they shared, teach and taught to us, and the wisdom they have given, as well as the continous support on me is a true blessing…

Eventho my life doesnt go as I expect it to be, but I know I hav all I want right here at home… I hav the love of my parents n sista who will sacrifice anythin for me n vice versa..

I guess home is my refuge, I am such a home type of a girl … well I guess I value it so much since most of the time spent will be outside of the house, either work or any other commitment in my life… When I got home, normally I m  just so exhausted and it is a good feelin knowin u hav ur cutest loveliest dog, who jump up n down when she sees u, my mom questionin whether I hav eaten and if not, sometimes she prepares food for me, n tv seriessss waitin for me to watch LOL…

Well hardly watchin any, guess It makes me dreamin too much - cos evrythin will always works well n those romance story, only makes me so jealous, since I hav no love story to tell +)

I guess what really bond us as family is thru the difficulty we shared and happiness we shared together… Mostly difficulty tho, hehehe

Thers always trouble that comes one by one, but we always manage to get thru it all by love we have for each other… My mom impatience, authoritarian and wisdom mixed well with my dad patience, acceptance and spontaneous act… Sometimes my mom wisdom helps my dad to think carefully, but the love they have for each other n their childrens as well as people around them is just really amazing… They have been my most inspirational teachers in my life—- I am so grateful for the lesson they have given me and I hope you all find it to in your family…

Sometimes thru difficulty in life, u ll learn to appreciate n thats what happen to my family.. instead of standin alone, we grouped together to hold hands n help each other in need… WE fight yess we do, a lot of times.. You can named it, from pullin out hairs, screams, the Kungfu Kick to flyin objects all around the house…LOL but at the end, our family is wher we belong, wher we find our true self that shape our understanding…. Instead of lookin it as a pain, but be grateful for what it has offer you… A PLACE TO BELONG….

Lov, Mel

Promise Yourself
  by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind;
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet;
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them;
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true;
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best;
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own;
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future;

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile;
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others;
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble;
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds;

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

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Wohoooooooooo xcellent article…

Tania, the abv article dedicated to you…. Giv urself a break n promise to urself that from each pain endured, you gain understanding of life, wisdom to be compassion, and kindness to forgive as well as to love….. +)

Anyway my dear frens, feelin a bit tired n busy these days, but still managed to laugh… one of my colleague told me that I laugh too much.. I just smile at that comment and I told her, wots ther to b stress about… work is just work, but ur attitude is wot enlightens you and the ppl you work wif…

Tell the truth Im sick of those office politics, ppl stabbed others behind their back and that’s what I feel few months working at this place.. scary, but I dont care, I just laugh my way thru the day… Somehow I can feel that the tensions loosen… I guess each one of us, need that break, cos each one of us are quite silly sometimes.. hmmm especially me, I do things that can just make me laugh on my own… eg the other day, i was callin someone and get to their answerin machine, but becos of the distraction at that time, instead of introducing myself and the purpose of the call, I greet them and asked how can I help you…. soon after no reply given, I just realised how silly I hav been… well we all do silly things to amuse ourselves n it is good to laugh at it sometimess…

Anyway off to bed now, so sleepy….

Gniteeeeeeeeee

What Will People Think? Who Cares? No one can know the right path for you but you. Take it from my grandmother… By Amanda Larson Excerpted from "Healing From a Grandmother’s Heart." Used with permission.

My grandmother Edna’s family came to America in the eighteenth century. The Larsons, my grandfather’s family, were a much more recent arrival from Sweden and the cultural differences between the two families were vast. I asked Edna one day how she came to marry my granddad, Ivar. She told me that she fell in love immediately and they had eloped.

Being a kid, I said, "Oooh, was your Mom mad?" Edna looked me squarely in the eye and said, "Baby, I never cared. And no one has had a better life than me. Trust your heart and you’ll always win. The whole purpose of life is to live it, love it, and take a happy smile to God when you’re done. I never gave a hoot about what anyone thought." And do you know what? Every member of my family, both Larsons and Tilghmans, adored her. Isn’t it true that we spend a lot of time wondering what others think of us?

One of my teachers said the most marvelous thing to me years ago–"What you think of me is none of my business." I chuckled at the time, and he very seriously told me that his life was lived according to that principle. I’ll never forget that phrase, mostly because it reminded me so much of Edna. Edna somehow knew as a young girl that this life was meant to be seized and lived to the fullest.

Apparently she did not have to go through the "what will people think?" phase. From all accounts she was calm, the anchor for many in our family, and was never swayed by outward appearances. My grandmother was a true and steadfast believer in Spirit. She had been introduced to affirmative prayer by a friend. She credited this "very pleasant habit" with her ability to be steadfast, kind, and resistant to the negativity of others. She also just happened to be akin to the Rock of Gibraltar, and everyone who knew her was aware of the affirmations that made her this way. If you’re not acquainted with this idea and way of living, I’ll give you an introduction.

Affirmative prayer is about rejoicing and thanksgiving. It’s recognizing all the wonder, joy, and abundance in your life and being thankful from the bottom of your heart. This way of life does not involve beseeching prayer-it’s more like a meditation, a communion of Spirit. This kind of prayer affirms perfection in our lives as we are thankful for having received all that we need, even if it hasn’t shown up quite yet. It’s about faith. F

aith can be hard to come by, and when we march to a different drummer, our spirit can be taxed and sometimes on the edge of despair. This is when following your own tune and not worrying about what others think can be the most difficult. Edna taught me about faith and resistance to others’ negative views by telling me about the thought pattern that underlies much of human behavior in a not-so-positive way. She said that many people live with the illusion that life happens from outside in. This way of looking at the world results in a life that is lived on the surface, rather than from the inside. "If you’re on the inside looking out, you get to see everything!" Edna said. "Trying to check things out from the outside is much more difficult–windows tend to distort any images we might see."

When you want something, what do you do? You move in a forward motion. How many times have good things appeared to you that seem to be just on the other side of a big glass door? You can see it, you can smell it, you can even hear it, but it’s just out of reach. Most people push against the door with all their might. They push harder and harder, and that door just stays shut. The more they push, the less that door is going to budge. They are pushing from the outside, trying to get to all their good.

What if I told you that the door to living successfully opens inward? And that your good is waiting for you to simply allow the door to open on its own? Most folks react with a sharp intake of breath when I tell them that. We’re taught to be aggressive, to always move forward and never take a step back. Allow? We don’t allow, we pursue! We’re told to model ourselves after the successful members of our society. We do what’s currently accepted as fashionable and acceptable.

Being stressed and constantly on the go takes up all of our time. We’re taught in our society that we have to do certain things to fit in. We face tremendous pressure to conform, to keep up with the Joneses. (As my father would say: "Who are these Jones people? Are they really that happy? And are you sure you want to be like them?") We don’t have to keep up with anyone.

Life is about being thankful for what you have and what you’re about to receive. It’s about keeping the negative comments from others away from your heart. It’s about listening to that still, small voice within us. It’s about living a happy life.

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Very inspiring and very true… who cares of what others people think??? But I would recommend to also listens to what other people say if you know it is good for you in order for you to improve urself n ur relations wif ppl around u…

But hey, if you know that the talk is just rubbish n u hav ur own principal in life, then forget it… remember you choose what you want to be, your wise enuf to understand that the best thing in life is to be good and do good, then as long you are in peace wif urself, nuffin can bother you… nuffin at all…

May peace be within you

Always, Mel